The Neutered Lion: Everything you always wanted to know about vasectomies but were afraid to ask!

Yes, that's right. Another testicle post! Please accept my apologies if you are reading this while sipping your morning coffee. I just thought I could 'squeeze' a couple more posts out of the old manjigglies!

There comes a time in a man's life when he figures he's done his bit at insuring the family name doesn't die with him. In my case, I called it quits after one child. That's all my former wife and I ever wanted. Soon after the birth of our son, pressure was thrust upon me to get a vasectomy. Problem is, I get extremely queasy when it comes to surgical procedures. And, no one is getting close to the family jewels with a butcher's knife!

I'm lucky. I've only had a total of four surgeries in my life.

1- Circumcision : perfomed at child birth. Have no memory of this but I sometimes shed a tear at what life could have been!

2- Had my tonsils removed at age 3. Yes, another bloody useless surgery!

3- Little mishap with a northern pike at age 13. I thought I was going to die! I was the only one under that impression, but that's another story!

4- I got neutered!

Although my former wife was always on my case to have a vasectomy, so she could get off the pill, I didn't think our yearly 'sexy time' warranted such drastic measures. After putting an end to that relationship, let's just say I made up for lost time. That's when I started to get nervous. I was starting my life over and getting a woman pregnant was not part of my plan.

After talking it over with my family doctor, she recommended a specialist. Let's call him 'The Vasectomiser'. I was really impressed by the words 'No scalpel/no needle' and imagined some guy in a lab coat concentrating on my manjigglies and be able to close the pollywog factory by the sheer power of his mind. Hey! if there's no scapel or needle, I'm fine with that! A few days later I was still giving it some thought when my phone rang. It seems my family doctor knows me too well and knew damn well that I was going to put this off indefinately, so she gave my number to the Vasectomiser's assistant to have me book an appointment. I couldn't back out now! She had me by the..... well you know!

Tomorrow's post: the exam!

Comments

[Hyrcan]

"...had me by the..." Yeah, I laughed out loud... in the quiet morning office...

It amazes me how many men get weird when it comes to the V word... um... by which I mean Vasectomies, when the alternatives are quite Unhealthy/expensive/dangerous. Expecting women to drug themselves silly, or go have a rather complex surgery when a Vasectomy is much simpler (and easier to reverse from what I hear) is crazy.

Though as you pointed out, some cases don't warrant drastic measures. But when something should be done, a vasectomy should be higher on the list than the others.

I thought about it when I was in my last relationship (which was a rather long one). But I've a bad habit of not going to the doctor as often as I should. So it never came up, and now that I'm not seeing anyone the concern isn't there... yet.

Hope all goes well.

(wow... I made it through this whole comment resisting the urge pun it up. ) ;)

[James Chartrand - Men with Pens]

You know, I can see some of the comments about to come already. "Oh, men. Be brave! It's just a tiny thing!"

Yes. Fine. But I don't see many women volunteering to allow THEIR doctor to strap them up in stirrups and come at their wazoo with a razor blade, hm? Be fair, at the very least.

Toddler number two, unexpected, unplanned and with very bad timing, was my moment of shutting the factory down. Love her to death, but being responsible is more important than being neuter-free.

Oh, hey, I want to hear the pike story!

[Wendi Kelly- Lifes Little Inspirations]

whoa,

Came over from the Panther's lair,didn't expect to fall into this personal of a story and yes...drinking my morning coffee :) but...I can take it! Found you all from Alex, who I know from James and Harry...the rabbit hole is long.

James...ahem...yes...some of us women do step up to the plate... and the knife. After four in almost as many decades I wasn't trusting my future to any man.

[Al at 7P]

Urbane Lion,

That's pretty awesome that you're going through this process for you two. Especially since you don't have much of a history of surgical procedures. Hopefully this "Vasectomiser" can do it without surgery.

[Alex Fayle]

I'm so glad I don't have to consider this in any way shape or form.

[Kristin Fitzgerald]

I can't wait to read tomorrow's post. I am trying to convince my Lion that this is a necessity. Perhaps your story will help - please.

[Brett Legree]

One thing is that it's pretty easy to open up the factory again, too - not so easy with a woman's equivalent (I don't think you can reattach fallopian tubes easily, but I could be wrong - I think you'd have to harvest the eggs directly from the ovaries at that point).

I don't speak from experience, though. My wife is unlucky enough to have a hormonal condition such that you pretty much need the equivalent of a nuclear device to induce ovulation... and once you do, you get weird and wild things, like triplets... :)

The Vasectomiser sounds like the bastard son of the Orgasmatron and a Cuisinart!

-Brett

[Vered]

"I didn't think our yearly 'sexy time' warranted such drastic measures."

You made me spit out my coffee!

I am so glad you are out of THAT relationship. :)

[XUP]

Thank you for sharing, UL. You're an inspiration to men everywhere --even though it took you a while and some prodding

[Urbane Lion]

Hyrcan: Your will power for not 'punning it up' really amazes me. You are a true gentleman.(yeah, right!)LOL. What you say makes perfect sense but outright fear on my part blurred all logical thought processes.

James: Taking a pill is a much smaller inconvenience than going through surgery. If they had birth control pills for males I probably would have been the first in line.
As for the pike story, it's a bit long winded and best told with a couple of beers in front of you!

[Urbane Lion]

Wendi: Welcome to the Den. If you think that was personal, maybe you should stick around!

Al: I actually had the surgery last October. I am just recounting the tale. I know a lot of men may be considering this option and I thought this may help some of them make their decision.

[Urbane Lion]

Alex: Because you are drugged up, you cannot go to the surgery alone. I wanted one of my colleagues to accompany me and pass him off as my partner, just to see the reaction from the staff and other patients. Unfortunately, none of them were game!

Kristin: I am just a big whusss! And I went through with it. I hope the next two posts will help him make his decision. You're more than welcomed to ask any questions concerning the procedure.

[Urbane Lion]

Brett: A vasectomy reversal is not that easy and the success rate isn't that high. If the selling point for anyone is that it can be reversed, that man should not be getting a vasectomy. Can you imagine if I got a crazy woman pregnant with triplets? Aaaarghh!

Vered: I hope I didn't cause you to stain anything!? LOL

XUP: Read on; I will make you proud!

[Brett Legree]

@Lion,

Oh, I just meant "compared with reversing the equivalent for a woman", from what I'd heard. What is the success rate?

(Not that I'm checking it out, mind you - just curious so as to have the right info, I guess.)

No, I don't suggest a triplet set! While it has been fun for us, I recommend one at a time... ;)

-Brett

[Urbane Lion]

Brett: If you attempt to reverse your vasectomy within the first three years of having it done, you have about a 70% chance of success (this falls considerably after ten years). The reason for this is simple. It may be possible to rejoin the tubes (the vas deferens) but the sperm that go through may be infertile. Most men, after vasectomy, develop immunity, or antibodies, to sperm. That's the official answer. Don't be fooled by anyone who says otherwise. he may be just trying to cop a feel!

[Al at 7P]

Urbane Lion - thanks for the clarification... I should have caught it when you used the past tense ("I got neutered"). I'll be looking for the next post then!

[Kelly]

Lion,

Hmm, hmm. Oh, it's like a train wreck. I have to come and read!

As Brett says, it's more reversible than for a woman, as I know quite happily. As you say, it's not the thing to do if you might want it reversed, though. It can have complications.

From my angle: one, it must be the gent's decision alone, because oh, boy, can you feel resentful later if the snip was someone else's idea; two, I would never even suggest it to someone I was with. It's a very permanent answer, and feelings change over time. (I also wouldn't do it myself, so maybe no surprise that I wouldn't request it.)

Since it's how you feel now, I'm glad for you, but I'm even happier that you didn't do it under pressure previously. Whether you miss the little swimmers or not, doing it that way can make you feel something's been taken from you.

Regards,

Kelly

[Barbara Swafford]

Oh no,

ANOTHER post about male anatomy? You're killing me!

[Urbane Lion]

Kelly: Hey wow! I assume your partner had a succesful reversal? Aaaah! You're such a sweety that any man would do that for you! OK, pleasantries out of the way... it should never be done under pressure (as anything else!) It was my own decision with no outside pressure. Of course, the little swimmers have been taken away from me but they are not my first loss; I'm circumsized... remember?

Barbara: Thursday will be better! I promise!

[Brett Legree]

@Lion,

Thanks for the additional information - I didn't know that about the antibodies!

-Brett

PS - my doctor is a woman, and married at that, so if she tries to cop a feel, we'll both be in hot water...

[Kelly]

Lion,

She's nine now. :)

Sadly, other than that he was an ass on a colossal scale. But yeah, I'm pretty great, he he.

I look forward to being pretty great to someone who's not a colossal ass next time, and I'd be glad if little swimmers were involved.

The way you made the decision is perfect. I've known three guys who did it under some pressure, and that left a lingering bad feeling. Folks who are thinking about it should make sure they know themselves well. The doc is supposed to say that to you, but at that point you're kind of saying "yah, yah" and not necessarily listening.

Until later,

Kelly

[Urbane Lion]

Brett: I wasn't aware of that either. Although reversal is completely out of the question for me, it was still very interesting research.

Kelly: Unfortunately a lot of males are a bit cocky and will only realize their mistakes when it's too late. We ARE a funny species aren't we?