The All New Dating Game

So, today the Urban Panther has been invited to be a guest writer on Annie's blog, Writer Chick Talks. The subject of her post is how today's young couples in their twenties approach relationships versus the way we approached them when we were twenty. As always, the Panther has some pretty interesting observations. As the young Lion is only 10 and hasn't really started dating yet, I can't say that I am an authority on the subject. However, I can certainly tell you all about the MAJOR differences about dating twenty some years ago and today.

Let me begin.

Dating in the eighties:

1- You make plans with other male friends to go out to the 'IN' place to try and 'pick up some chicks'. Not looking for long term here; just 1 night. Or, if she's really hot, 1 month max before you hand her over to one of your buddies.

2- You shower. Blow dry your mullet, splash on a couple of ounces of Hai Karate cologne, iron your best looking pastel shirt and put on your platform shoes.

3- Invite your friends over for a bottle of $3.00 wine just to get that slight buzz that will lower your inhibitions AND the bar bill.

4- Get to the bar and start stalking. Decide who is going to be wingman for the evening. The wingman will take home the ugly girl of a group to let his friends go home with the gym happy ones.

5- Make sure that if the girl you have spotted is accompanied by some friends, you have enough male friends to go around. Girls don't like to leave a friend behind.

6- Go home, have fun and hopefully when you both get up in the morning she will do the dishes while you run to the store to get some breakfast fixings.

7- Repeat step 1

Yes, back then we were pretty careless and selfish. HIV did not exist and all you were looking for was to add another notch to your belt. Life was uncomplicated. Men were pretty much all the same and women weren't as complicated as today.

Now, I got married at 25 and separated from my wife at 40. Amazing how the world can change in 15 years! Just when I thought I was ready to date again, my fellow co-workers (who were in their early twenties) gave me the low down. Apparently I was in no shape to date in today's world. I ended up feeling like The 40 Year Old Virgin! But fear not, they were going to fix me up! First of all, firm up those muscles! So, here I go to the gym to firm things up a bit. Second, shave my chest! OMG, that is sooo not going to happen! Luckily, after a quick survey of female co-workers, turns out that my chest was deemed very sexy (for a forty year old!) and shaving it was ruled out, thank God!

But.... don't put that Bic shaver away yet. Seems that today's women like nice smooth er...huevo rancheros. As none of my female colleagues were interested in another survey, I decided to swallow my pride and bite the bullet. But, there was no way I was going to put a razor blade anywhere near my manjigglies! Hot wax was out of the question also, so I decided to try Neet. Oh my God! The pain I went through was atrocious! Worse than giving birth, I'm sure! I thought my family jewels were going to melt away! Didn't even do a very good job either. After a week of healing I finally resolved myself to use a razor. Finally got the hang of it. Ladies.... please tell me that it's worth it!

OK, the pastel shirts have gone the same route as the platform shoes and the 8 track tapes. But, I had the new look down pat. Now, all I was missing was an opportunity to meet some women. Most of my colleagues were in their early twenties so no luck there. Although I am not very shy, approaching women has never been easy for me, and it just seems that today's bars are either filled with very young women or older women that are single for a very good reason. Which left online dating. I will not go into much details about my experiences with the online dating thing. I will leave that for a future post. I will say, however, that you have to sort through a lot of chaff before you find a gem. Luckily for me.... I found mine!

So, here's a break down of dating twenty years later:

1- You shower. Gel up your short hair, splash on some Armani and put on a tight T-shirt (aren't you happy you go to the gym!). Shoes and pants are not required.

2- Pour yourself a glass of $20 wine.

3- Log on to your favorite online dating site and start searching.

4- Select someone you like and start chatting to see if you can catch her in a lie. If you turn on the webcam just remember you're not wearing any pants!

5- Agree to meet.

6- Have her move in and start some dueling blogs!

Much simpler today don't you think?

Comments

[Kelly]

Lion,

(May I call you Lion?)

What, no Polo cologne? Hai Karate... eew. I still smell Polo and get goosebumps, though I feel like an idiot teen for falling for the scent now.

ROFLOL about the shave, but NO comment.

I miss when I was the chick in those bars/college classes/dorm parties with no worries. The online thing would probably speed the modern process up, but it's not for me. Luckily, my friends seem to want me to find someone, so they're looking out for fresh (victims) dates to hook me up with.

Regards,

Kelly

[James Chartrand - Men with Pens]

I remember Polo. And Polo shirts.

Dude. Neet?

[Urbane Lion]

Kelly: Yes, you may call me Lion; I get called worst on a regular basis! Didn't keep the Hai karate very long. Switched to Azzaro and Eau Sauvage. My roomate had Polo. I still wear Eau Sauvage every once in a while. reminds me of the good 'ole days!

James: I know, I know! What was I thinking. As I was writhing in pain with my eyes shut I heard a PLOP! Turns out it was a bar soap but I really thought it was something else falling in the tub. I would rather stick a fork in an electrical outlet than do that again! Tears still come to my eyes just at the thought of it!

[Robin]

That's funny! Isn't technology marvelous - dating is so much more convenient now. You don't even have to get dressed! (what did you use the 8 track tapes for?)

[Urbane Lion]

Robin: Just like the newscasters on TV. No need for pants! Don't you remember 8 track tapes? Come on... no lying now!

[Robin]

Me again. Yes I do remember the 8 track tapes - I used to work in an 8 track recording studio as a sound engineer.

I thought I'd pop back because i was thinking how Frank gets all these sexy young women adding him as a friend on his MySpace (he doesn't accept them all) - maybe the modern method is to meet someone, google them to find their myspace and check out their friends to see if they look OK?

he's at http://www.myspace.com/frankthesoundsculptor

[Barbara Swafford]

Hi Urbane Lion,

What a fabulous comparison. When I read "no pants or shoes required", I was like "WHAT"? Then I realized you were going online. You got me on that one. Haha!

[Urbane Lion]

Robin: Yes... I guess that method could also be used. If their MySpace or Facebook friends don't look too creepy then it' probably a good sign. Huuum, some very sexy women indeed on Frank's page!

Barbara: LOL ! The Panther had exactly the same reaction when she was proof reading the post! Had to force her to read on!

[Alex Fayle]

OMG - Neet? You really weren't thinking, were you?

I notice that no one has responded whether it was worth the effort. In the modern gay world there are two camps (no pun intended). If you like hair, you want fuzzy huevos. If the rest of the body is hairless (or maybe just a strategically placed triangle) then smooth huevos are a must.

[Urbane Lion]

Alex: I know, I know! The worst of it is, it wasn't even Neet. It was a generic drugstore brand. I since use it as a paint stripper and I highly recommend it! As for the huevos, I'll keep that in mind should I one day decide to play for the other team! But, considering that no one has responded to whether it was worth the effort, I'm seriously considering going 'au naturel' ;-)

[Kelly]

Alex,

Whether it was worth the effort for the Lion is strictly up to the Panther. I'm not weighing in unless I'm dating him, LOL.

& my personal thoughts on the matter... oh, no, not going to go there. Note: you did not say how you like your huevos either.

This subject is far too full of giggles and blushes. Yet I returned...

Until later,

Kelly

[Urbane Lion]

Kelly: Come on girl... you can do it! It'll be just between you and me. Your opinion counts and could possibly avoid the Panther and I a huuuuge, hairy conflict!

[Kelly]

Lion,

I don't know if there's such a thing, but it is my feeling that when a woman comments on a man's... shaving habits, his Panther has every right to start an electronic cat-fight.

Just between you, me, and fifteen other commenters, and your woman? Hahaha. Nope.

Until later,

Kelly

[Kristin Fitzgerald]

OK, Lion - I must weigh in here ... continue to love the posts.

Although I wasn't dating in the 80s, your description had me laughing out loud. Please share a photo of your mullet with your readers. I enjoyed listeing to my parents 8-tracks ... the one that stood out to me was Helen Reddy's Delta Dawn. What a classic.

I am not sure dating today is a ton simplier if you are in your 20s though. Still the bar scene, just with a different dress code. Now, there are awkward conversations about STD testing and text messages rather than phone calls. It seems in any generation, dating is just difficult.

Now, to the hairy predicament ... as far as I am concerned the maintenance on the huevos is a necessity. It is my lion's choice on how it gets done, but please just get it done. It is all about your partner's preference though, so I say if she is ok with venturing into the jungle, then you should be fine. I, however, prefer lurking on well maintained lawns.

[Al at 7P]

I used to think that shaving simply the chest hairs was over the top. Boy, I feel pretty clueless!

[Alex Fayle]

@ Kristen: "well maintained lawns" I love it! And I agree with you completely. I had the misfortune of dating someone once who had near-dreadlocks in places that dreadlocks should NEVER be. Needless to say we did not last long.

[Kristin Fitzgerald]

@ Alex, I can understand the quick dismissal. My goodness - the things people will do.

[Urbane Lion]

Kelly: Yeah, you English women are sooo prude! This is the Den remember? I'm French! No taboo subjects here!

Kristin: Thank God, those mullet pics have been burned for years! The Panther actually does an excellent rendition of Delta Dawn on the guitar. Thanks for your opinion on the huevos. I will post the results next week! LOL

Al: I see you haven't been dating in a while! Welcome to 2008!

Alex: I take that as a vote for the smooth huevos?

[James Chartrand - Men with Pens]

I'm still trying to get over the Neet - and now I have images of dreadlocks with that too, thanks to Alex.

[Urbane Lion]

James: Manjigglies with dreadlocks? Soon come Man.... soon come!

[Chris]

Even I agree that dating is very much convenient now.

[Urbane Lion]

Chris: Ooooh yeah! And you don't have to spend $20 on drinks to find out if she's interested or not!

[singles]

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