A criminal mind

I am a criminal. A hardened criminal. For me, it's just one crime after another! But, I am a criminal with a conscience. Before I commit my crimes, I always ask myself 3 questions:

1- Will it cause harm to anyone?
2- Will they send me to the pokey forever if I get caught?
3- Will I gain anything from commiting this crime?

If I can answer "Yes" to the first 2 questions, I don't go through with it. If my decision rests on question # 3 then it all depends on how bored I am. If nothing is to be gained, I have to be bored to proceed.  If there is something to be gained, I usually proceed with wholehearted pleasure.

Generally, however, this causes great embarassment to the Urban Panther. Jay walking, going 20 km/h over the speed limit, illegal turns etc. She believes that I have no morals whatsoever. During my last great caper (stealing sugar from a Starbucks for a much needed Mojito) the Panther was waiting outside trying to hide behind a lamp post,sweating buckets at the thought of being arrested, and jailed for being an accessory to the crime. All this, while I casually strolled in and pocketed 6 small packets of sugar without remorse. Let's face it, at my age, change doesn't come easily so it is best that I just accept my criminal tendancies. The Panther suggested we escape to Mexico. Been there, done that. I suggested Dominican Rebublic perhaps. Finally, we just went back to the boat, and enjoyed Mojitos with stolen sugar!

But, before you judge me too quickly I'd like to remind you what a great man once said (I think it was Confucius or one of the Beatles) "May he who has never sinned cast the first stone!"

Cast me your stone.  What crimes horrify your mate?

Comments

[The Rambling Housewife]

Now see, I have such a guilty conscious, much like the Urban Panther--And I'm such a firm believer in Karma--

I'd be terrified I'd like, aspirate the Mojito and kill over--

[Urbane Lion]

OMG Rambling.... you would have to consume a very large amount of Mojitos to survive a week in this household!!!