Urbane Lion's Den

And now for something completely different!

What a neat concept: what would you miss from Earth if you were suddenly zapped to Mars? Thank you, Robin, for making us reflect on the good things in life that we all too often take for granted.

It will be of little surprise to everyone to find similarities between the Urban Panther's list and my own. Isn't that why we are soulmates after all?

Number one on my list is definitely water. To paddle a canoe or kayak on a dead calm body of water is such a zen like experience. But then again, the sound of surf breaking on the shore, or the thunderous sound of a waterfall. Heck, I even have an MP3 file of water sounds that I sometimes loop all night for a good sleep.

The sweet smell of grass. Lying on my back on a hot summer day, all senses tuned in. I can smell the grass, hear the chirping of birds, and the laughter of kids. HAPPINESS!

I know I'll live to regret this one, but snow ! I would miss snow! I just love to be inside and watch a nice big snow storm. I like building things out of snow and zooming down the hills on my snowboard. To cross country ski in the forest is also a very relaxing activity.

Rain and thunderstorms. In fact, any of Mother Nature's sound and lights shows. To lie on your back on a cool night to watch Northern lights is so amazing.

I assume there's beer, wine and yummy animals on Mars right?

What I wouldn't miss? Harley friggin' Davidsons with their noisy exhausts. Inconsiderate people who think they are alone on this Earth. My Yahoo neighbours and their loud antics.

Although a trip to Mars sounds very tempting, I really think I'd like to come back eventually. I like it too much down here and still have a lot of things to do.

How about you? Are there any similarities between your list and your partner's? Anything you wouldn't miss?

Manjigglies; a marvel of design!

OK, from the comments posted on the Urban Panther's site yesterday about the silliness of the male genitalia, AKA manjigglies, I think a proper rebuttal is in order. I didn't think people would have ridiculed the whole thing as they did yesterday.

Just to set the record straight, I have come up with ten reasons why penises should be taken seriously.

1. One word: reproductive organ! The jewel sac has been cleverly installed outside of the body just to keep them at the optimal operating temperature for reproduction. How's that for revolutionary design!?
2. A flaccid penis looks innocent enough, pretty harmless in fact, but unsuspecting women around the world have been deceived after turning their backs on one! In less time than it takes to say "Ooh Yeah Babyyy!", it just went from Mr Magoo to Vin Diesel.
3. It can also go from Vin Diesel to Mr Magoo in less time than it takes to say "Ooh Yeah Babyyy!"
4. A large one commands respect from both sexes.
5. Very handy when nature calls and there are no bathrooms in sight!
6. It's location outside of the body makes it ideal for a discreet game of pocket pool.
7. Used correctly, it has the power to make the world a happier place to live in.
8. If you're bored in the middle of nowhere, at least you'll always have something to play with!
9. Contrary to its female counterpart, this guy requires almost zero maintenance.
10. You wouldn't be here reading this if it weren't for penises.

I'll bet all you women out there have penis envy now, eh? And just to top it off, I think I may be picking up a radio signal with my titanium clip that was installed during my big surgery. On the way back from picking up my son from school yesterday, an otherworldly voice was giving us traffic directions. GPS was out of the car and radio was turned off. This will definately require further investigation.

On a similar note, The Panther and I were argueing about the gender of the subject matter. Apparently some men "name" their parts which totally contradicts the English grammar rule of no gender specificity. Well, if some guys go around naming their penises Billy or "Richard" and their manjigglies Irene and LouLou, I guess that makes penises male and testicles female.

This should be the last genital post for awhile. Unless I really do pick up traffic directions with my clip, in which case there'll be no end (can you spell Manjiggly Podcasts? Jigglycasts?) to these posts, I shall go back to posting about less sensitive matters.

So? Have I set the record straight? Will you giggle the next time you see manjigglies? Do you really name your private parts? If so, what are their names?

Defending the almighty penis!

OMG! The truth comes out! All this time that I've been walking around the Den biff naked, sporting a softy, thinking that the Urban Panther is getting all worked up over the scenery, turns out she's just holding back a giggle.

So the male anatomy in its flaccid state is funny to look at??? Well, I guess it all depends on how you 'wear' it! I for one like to stand in front of a mirror (or whomever is willing to watch!) and make it do some pretty slick moves to the beat of some funky music. Now that is cool, not funny! And, there's also that new art form called penis puppetry that was popular a few years ago. I have to say that I am pretty good at it too! I can do the burger, the windsurfer and the elephant. I can also use it as an air guitar. Is it not rude to laugh at someone's talent?

But seriously ladies, do you truly think that penises look funny? What about ears? They look funny too. Is that why people get them pierced? Just to make them pretty?
It certainly looks like I'm going to have to pull out the big guns now! If my wedding tackle makes her laugh "Au naturel", I guess I'll just start using make-up and costumes. No worries, I won't go as far as getting a Prince Albert. My meeting with the Vasectomizer was enough!

Like always, I aim to please and am willing to make a little effort to make myself more visually pleasing to the Panther. How about you? Is there a part of your anatomy (ears, nose, boobs, skin blemishes etc) that you cover up just to please your partner? Have you gone as far as getting plastic surgery, or if not, would you?

Appetizers for Idiots!: Tomatoes with mozzarella di bufala

It's been a rough week. An evil virus has been on my back for about a week now. Not enough to make me sick and miss work or anything, but just enough to drain me. As a few other people at the office seem to be suffering from the same thing, I figure this may be a wide spread epidemic, and that by 4 pm tomorrow, no one will feel like making dinner.

Well, here's a quick and easy appetizer that even an amateur cook on the brink of death could accomplish: Tomatoes with mozarella di bufala.

You'll need:

- 1 tomato per person, nice and ripe, picture perfect!
- Mozzarella di bufala (available in cheese shops or Italian markets)
- Balsamic vinegar
- Extra virgin olive oil
- Fleur de Sel, pepper
- Basil leaves for garnish

Directions

Slice each tomatoe in 3 or 4 even slices.
Drain cheese and cut into slices
Restack tomato and insert cheese slices between each layer. Season each layer with a few drops of oil, Fleur de Sel and pepper
Plate each tomato and garnish plate with a few drops of vinegar and basil leaves. Serve immediately.

NOTE: Bocconcini cheese may be substituted if mozzarella di bufala is unavailable

Drink beer and lose weight!

This morning I went back to the gym after a three month hiatus. I am one of the lucky ones who has a nice gym at my workplace with an employer who strongly encourages its employees to use the premises during office hours without having to compensate for the time taken. If things are this good, why did I stop in the first place? Let's just say that with the construction of the outdoor kitchen, I got all the workout I needed from shoveling gravel and lugging around 60 lbs slabs of pavers. But now, outside work is on pause for the winter season and my body is screaming for a good workout once again. Snowboarding season is upon us and those muscles need stretching.

So off I go to work this morning, lunch in one hand, gym bag in the other. Get to the cube, boot up the computer to check for any urgencies and off to the gym I went.

I always keep track of my weight when I workout. Not that I have a weight problem or anything, but just out of curiosity. I look at my workout log and notice that my last workout was dated May 16th where I weighed in at 183. I have to admit that I have felt a bit less than confortable with my level of fitness recently and was apprehensive about the scale.

Well wouldn't you know it? I weighed in at 178! I lost 5 lbs! No drastic weight loss I'll admit, but considering the fact that apart from the landscaping, my other activities mostly consisted of drinking beer or wine on the boat. After all, it's a well known fact that boating makes you thirsty!

No need to be Einstein to put 2 and 2 together and conclude that drinking beer and wine will actually make you lose weight. Slowly perhaps, but surely. And let's face it, a glass of jammy shiraz tastes much better then any diet bar! I actually think I'm onto something here.

Now the funny part of all this is that although the Urban Panther readily adopted the French way of living, she still has some guilt issues. She started off the week by saying that she would not drink wine during weekdays expect for a glass of port with chocolate in the evening. Well guess what? She put on 5 lbs!

Perhaps this is some kind of cosmic transfer of mass. If you just go with the flow, any excess weight will be transferred to people who lead stressful lives.

Have you ever failed at a task in which you were totally dedicated to only to later succeed without even trying? Have you ever found that when you're under stress, you feel the need to compensate by overeating or indulging in other unhealthy habits? More importantly, do you have healthy eating habits and if not, where do you need to improve?

Back from the Dead !

You may have noticed (or not!) my absence from the blogging scene in the last few weeks. Why you ask? Was I closely involved in the canadian election or the Paulson plan? Was I busy globe-trotting to far away exotic destinations? Unless your idea of exotic is Trenton, or London, Ontario, the answer to both questions is no. So where was I really? I was at home TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!!! Deadlines coming fast, work needing to be done before winter hits (yeah I know, you California or Australia residents have no clue!) but more importantly, the Urban Panther moving in.

Although I was extremely looking forward to this moment, and I had a very good idea of what was remaining in her apartment, I was ill prepared to face the state the house was in when the move was completed but before anything was put away. You think the previous pictures were bad? You have absolutely no idea! Two heavy gauge wires of different colours touched inside my brain causing me to go completely beserk! As the Urban Panther posted previously, I have no experience in moving. My father was military and all moves were relatively painless. I did move a few times as a student, but my possessions were restricted to a few cardboard boxes. But the Den is completely different. This place was Ali Baba's cave even before the Panther moved in, so imagine it with all of her stuff piled up wherever space was available! Despite words of encouragement from the Panther, and a friend of mine who graciously helped us move, it was simply beyond my ability to make any sense out of this. So what did I do? I retreated outdoors to accomplish simple tasks that my injured psychological state could accomplish. You know, counting stems of grass, pulling wings off of flies, etc.

Well, as promised, the Panther had everything placed a matter of no time. And so the healing process began. There is still quite a bit to do, like hang her frames, and clean out the basement and garage, but at least the house is livable once again. I am still not top shape, but well on my way to total recovery, with no discernable permanent damage to my nervous system.

Have you ever been placed in a situation that was completely beyond your reasoning and had to retreat? Were you able to participate in the finalizing of the task or did you have to wait until it was completed?

Should I stay or should I go?

Here I am singing the song made popular in the 80's by The Clash but, it's with sadness in my heart that I'm singing it this morning. You see, I'm leaving on a short 2 day business trip and I have to leave the Panther at home all alone with the 2 cats. I was hoping that she would be feeling better by now, but it's just not the case. She still looks like crap. Wanted to take pictures but got 'The Look' and I came back to my senses.

Needless to say that I'm not happy to leave. I mean, there's nothing much I can do for her, but keep her company and help alleviate the symptoms. The bug needs to run its course and no matter what I do it won't speed things up.

Keeping this post short today, but I'd really like to know if I'm the only one who feels like crap for leaving a loved one alone when they are in need? Or, have you ever sent your child to school when he was feeling a little under the weather just because you had other obligations that needed your attention? How do you deal with that?

The Ailing Panther

I'll start off this post by apologizing for any spelling mistakes or poor wordsmithing. As the Panther is not feeling very well, this post is going up as is without any proof reading on her part. Although I have been known to suddenly find myself alone on the wrong side of the line of decency, I don't think we will run into any danger with today's post.

I have seen the Panther in various states so far; bad mood, sad, down and out, bad hair day, just days with bad hair (tes cheveux sont fuckés!) but I had yet to see her in such a sad shape as today. While she thought at first it was simply a very bad case of seasonal allergies, I knew all along it was a bad cold. Hey, I should know. I've spent all my childhood and teenage years playing doctor and it's now paying off!

So, I made sure she wasn't in need of anything all evening, cooked her a nice comfort meal and sent her of to bed with a clever mix of shiraz and the strongest over the counter cold medicine I could find. I am also a fine pharmacologist. I usually just rely on tequila shooters to soothe my female patients but I knew right away that I needed something a little stronger tonight.

Before I go clean up the kitchen I will leave you with a couple of questions. I'm certain that you will do anything you can when one of your kids is sick but, do you do the same when it's your spouse? Do you leave him or her pucking their guts out over the toilet bowl or do you go and pat their backs and wipe their mouths? Will you stay home from work to nurse them better or just check up with the occasional phone call?

Hurricane Ike hits Quebec

Yes that's right. We just got hit by the tail end of Ike. Loads of rain, hot and steamy weather, but nothing like what hit the southern part of the US and Caribeeans. No, we are usually pretty sheltered from those bad storms. We do, however, feel other side effects such as a big hike in gas and food prices. But, as I don't want to steal the limelight from CNN, I'll let them report the damages caused by Ike, and will instead tell you all about what hurricane Panther left in its trail.

You've all seen the pictures of the Den in total chaos . Not one square inch of counter space was available. Well Saturday, while I was outside busy setting up the wiring for the hot tub, unbeknownst to me, hurricane Panther was hitting the inside of the house very hard. Not only was all of her stuff that she had retrieved from her apartment stashed away, she even emptied every cupbard in the kitchen and reorganized every single one of them! The kitchen now looks fabulous! Although she switched a lot of the stuff around, everything makes so much sense that I have no need to look around for stuff anymore. I had been living alone for over two years and had developped some old (bad) habits. But now, gone are the frustrations of fighting with the Tupperware drawer (come on, you have one too!) or having tin cans fall on your toes while mucking around in the pantry.

The move isn't finished yet. We still need to get the rest of her furniture from her apartment this weekend, and place them appropriately in the house. If I had known all the good that would come from having the Panther around, I would have hunted her down much sooner!

How about you? Have you ever gotten to the point of having to rely on someone else to put some order in your life? Was it a good or a bad experience?

Random Acts of Kindness

An interesting thing happened at work yesterday. As you may know, I work in casualty support for the Department of National Defence. We provide support services for injured members and their families, and handle all the assistance and funeral arrangements for those who have fallen in combat. About 80% of my colleagues are military and wear the uniform.

Well yesterday, a group of about 5-6 of them went out to lunch. When they got their bill they noticed that things didn't add up. When they mentioned it to the waitress she replied that the woman at the other table had paid for all their drinks. When they went up to thank her the woman simply replied ' Thank you for wearing that uniform'. Just a random act of kindness. Although a lot of people do not support the war, most people will support the troops, and buying a round of drinks was this woman's way of showing her support.

It's interesting to see how we are seeing more and more of these random acts of kindness. I remember seeing a picture of someone in the days following 9/11 who was giving away free hugs. Or, more recently, Garden Guerillas have taken over some cities and plant flowers on city property just for the sake of embellishment. I've been known to offer bottles of water to the garbage guys on a hot summer day, or hot chocolate to the postman during a cold winter run. I believe that more and more of these acts of kindness can make a difference. Everyone needs to feel appreciated and even though the garbage guys, the postman, or my military colleagues make a decent living and need not rely on other people's charity to buy their drinks, these little gestures are a nice way to say thank you. They probably talked about it at the dinner table that night and it just puts a positive spin on life.

What are your thought on this? Have you ever received a random act of kindness or, have you ever given one?